What Not to Do On A Date with a 65 Year Old Woman

So, look, at this age I am pretty open minded when I have a first date with someone.  I realize we all have complicated histories, we have habits and we are set in our ways.  I’m willing to listen to someone else’s story.  I’m willing to overlook minor lapses in etiquette (after all, I was in a relationship for 15 years with someone who routinely let me out of his car at the end of my carport and peeled off before I got my key in the door).  I harbor not the least bit of jealousy when former lovers and spouses are mentioned in conversation.  And I could not care less what kind of car someone drives.  But there are some things that I simply cannot forgive these days from potential suitors.  Recently, I had a date with a man who managed to check off every single box on my list of things not to do on a date… with ME at least.

1. Do not make dinner reservations for 5:00 p.m.  For God’s sake, I still work and I don’t even make it home before 6:30 p.m. or even later.  Plus if you are eating dinner every night at 5:00 p.m., we are not going to get along.

2. Do not kiss me before dinner.  

3. Do not fail to have a meaningful conversation with me about the wine list.  Yes I know you are paying and I fully expect you to pay.  But that doesn’t mean you get to usurp the wine list.  

4. Do not tell me what your “other car” is before we get out of my driveway.

5. You may think soulful looks and long silences in the conversation are companionable.  I do not.

6. Do not be stingy with the tip.  I can see.

7. While I realize no man is perfect, I do not want to hear about how you cheated on your wife and I do not believe it when you tell me she didn’t mind that much.

8. No, I do not want to tour your house.

9. Do not kiss me after dinner either.

10. Don’t call me.  I’ll call you. 


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